Embracing SELF-LOVE
Throughout my journey growing up as a child Self-Love was never taught to me. I would always look on the outside for love from other people. I got married very young at the age of 18; and Divorced in my 30’s; Therefore, I really never embraced the true definition of loving myself. As I got older I realized I would always entertain toxic people and relationships. After going in and out of Situationships, I began to take a look at myself and ask why was this happening to me. All the hurt and bitterness became overwhelming; This is when I started to hold myself accountable and look on the inside to change the way I identified love.
I started seeking knowledge by reading self help books, and listening to motivational speaker and podcast from YouTube on a daily basis. I also got coaching and joined groups to elevate my self-worth. I took responsibility for my own actions and realized everything Starts with me. This changed my whole outlook on myself and life. So, I came up with some steps from information I gathered from what I read and learned. These are the Steps I implemented in my journey to Self-Love I hope it’s helps in your Journey to Self-LOVE.
10 Steps To Self Love
Identify your Pain points, Get a piece of paper and write down What caused you PAIN , or what taught you a negative lesson about Love; Rather it be in a relationship or Self-love. Write this down). This is getting to the root of the problem. This will help you realize why you internalize How certain things affect you. How did you see your parents operate in love.? Where they screaming and cussing in the household. Did your father show love or embrace you with love? Did you see family members being promiscuous. It all starts with this foundation as a child. This will shapes the way you see relationships and why you tolerate those things that hurt you in life.
Learn the Word LOVE, by gaining more knowledge, Reading books, listening to Podcasts , Watching YouTube videos. Some of the people I listen to is Tony Gaskins Jr, Abraham Hecks, Ralph Smart, Rev RC Blakes and The 5 Love languages by Gary Chapman just to name a few. This is a very important step in the process to unlearn the things you thought were love. Learn what’s not love, like verbal abuse, breaking up and getting back together, inconsistency of a person, fussing and fighting, all those things are not love. Love doesn’t bring you anxiety and not being able to sleep. Love is not Bury. Love did not hurt you Life hurt you. Pure Love does not hurt.
Cut Off Toxic People, You are the CEO of you Life. Don’t allow people to come into your life with drama, gossip, toxicity and being fake. Evaluate the people in your life. If those people don’t bring any value in your life, you need to demote them. Some family members may be toxic, with drama bitterness and this will bring you down to their level, and stunt your growth. So distance yourself. Remember you are in control of your life. Also; some friends need to be cut off, the ones who never support you, always being negative, and disturbing your peace. This may only be for a season, so don’t let it get you down.
HEAL. A good starting point would be going to therapy, especially if you have childhood traumas that stem from issues with your parents or/and abuse. Most people have Soul-Ties they need to heal from. Soul-ties is a spiritual bond you have with a person, the longer you are around a person that you are intimate with it will effect your brain, and your body releases serotonin, which causes an addiction and can be difficult to break. Thur my journey I realized this can be confused as Love. Love doesn’t operate in toxicity, so if your relationships ends with cheating, lying, or it run its course, you may be still attracted to this person. Having headaches, sleepless night, this person maybe on your mind all time. To break this soul-tie you WILL have to create separation. NO calls, No texting, Block that person, you may have to block this person’s family members, Delete your social media for 30-60 days. If you have a child together make sure the communication is only about the child. Over time the soul-tie will begin to break. Make sure you are learning new knowledge which is key when getting past a soul-tie. Acknowledge your hurt, so you don’t build up resentment toward that person. BE very careful when sleeping with a person outside of marriage, because it affects you spiritually so be mindful who you attach yourself with.
GROW. Spiritual, Emotional, Mentally look at yourself in the mirror , not physically, but within your heart. Do you need to work on your anger, your ego, your personality. You may have vices, addictions you may need to address. Rather it be dealing with alcohol, drugs, smoking, over eating, sexually promiscuous etc. If you know this is a problem only you can overcome. Be real with Yourself. I had an anger problem that I needed to address and heal from. I sough out help and learned my triggers to control my anger. Doesn’t mean I don’t get mad, just controlling it was key. You have to be willing to do the work. Gain as much knowledge as possible. Talk to someone like a mentor with an unbiased opinion you can vent to. Once you reinvent yourself; You will become a person you may no longer recognize. You have to Sacrifice to become the greatest vision of yourself.
SET GOALS. Setting goals is so important for your growth. A personal goal maybe to lose weight or just get in shape, and maintain it. Through my journey I really never had a problem with weight, but I knew I was unhealthy and could use some toning up. So I had to have the right mindset with discipline and accountability to start this process and stay consistent. This is self love that you must set goals for yourself. Brainstorm what goals you would like to accomplish; you would be surprised how you have so much inside yourself. Another goal could be, you would like to write a book. I believe everyone has a book in them. Just start no matter how small the step is; that’s something you’ll be able to build upon. Setting goals give you purpose to strive for and maintain the momentum to Loving yourself. Invest in yourself get a planner and write your daily goals down.
MAKE A PLAN. Get a planner; and write down your daily activities. This will give you structure in your life. Plan your tomorrow’s today. What helped me in the morning I meditate and pray . In the evening; I workout, get dinner and maybe watch a show., listen to a podcast or a YouTube video for growth. Afterwards; work on my Ebook; write a poem. Just remember to always do something that’s investing in your growth.
Be Open To Love. Sometimes you have to start all over, and build on a foundation of friendship. Also; it’s very important to have the same standards as your potential partner. Be honest with yourself and your partner. Operate in love by leading and being vulnerable. Walk with confidence, hold up your morals and what you require for yourself and your potential mate. Always Smile and be willing to listen and understand the opposite Sex. Being open to love doesn’t mean sleeping with your partner. Give it time. Maintain a balance, if you see red flags don’t overlook the signs. You must be willing to leave; for this is your journey to Self-Love
LOVE. Start giving love, Embrace the concept of loving people. This step is so important. We tend to show love to our family members; but be willing to operate in love with everyone. Through my journey this step was a noble and abundant thing to do; It brought me such joy to be able to make a person Smile. Men should lead in love and the women should be open to receive. Now, men may show love different than a women; but it should be equally expressed. Reciprocation should always go back and fourth between The two parties; this is very important. Self-Love gives you the ability to love others. Always know your boundaries and move accordingly.
Helping Others. When you are full of Self-Love you seek to help others. Providing business ideas; inspiring other people, giving to others when they’re in needs. And giving wisdom to younger women is some of the things I’ve done. You may have ideas and a vision to help people and you should definitely give back. Having Self-Love will benefit your life if your willing to do the work.
In Conclusion. Everything should always in End in Love.